Last blog we left off with “I want you to think about your life. Think about all that has broken over time. Think about all of the people who have hurt you. Think about all the disappointment you have accumulated over time. Think about your heart. Think about your future. Now stop. Ask yourself this question; "What can I do about it?" “.
And now we will pick up where we left off…
So what did you come up with for the answer to that question? Did you come up with several answers? Chances are you did because we have many options to deal with hurt. Some of us pull away, rejecting the one(s) who hurt us. Some of us get angry and take it out on others. Some of us take vengeance on the one(s) who hurt us or even at innocent parties who happen to be in the line of our emotional fire. And yes, some of us allow our hearts to get so hardened that we literally don’t even feel the hurt, leading to a place of isolation and denial.
These are all avenues of self-preservation: a place we have been trained (especially as women) to believe will get us back on track and back up from the brunt of the pain we just endured. Well maybe self-preservation works as a band-aid method of dealing with an injury but when you have a deep gash, there is no band-aid that will stop the bleeding. And when it comes to big hurt in our life, we have big gashes and we need big sutures. Self-preservation is not cut out for this job. It is however a natural human response that stems from our emotions: the place where we translate our feelings that are influenced by our environment and the people around us. And as women we were created to receive and conceive though our emotions. Our emotions will lead us in one direction or the other. So it is paramount that we get the understanding that unbridled emotions will lead us where we don’t want to go: Offense. You’re probably thinking: “How can you say not to get offended! After all what this person did is absolutely inexcusable!” Well, you’re right, there really is no excuse for someone being offensive but there are reasons. And they are usually the same reasons we get offended: unbridled emotions that come from hurt that has not been resolved stemming from a fear.
I am no stranger to being led by my emotions. I am (as a woman alone) an emotional being. Combine that with my personality and temperament and you have a lethal combination (left to my own natural devices). And I have only recently gained understanding about offense. But ask any of my sisters and maybe even some old friends what could happen when I got offended and you would be floored! Even at this moment I am still tempted to get offended by people. But knowledge is the door to freedom and I want you to walk through it and be free too.
So what can you do about it? The first thing you can do is to understand the truth. The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “For everyone has sinned and fallen short of God’s glorious standard.” That means that not one of us is a flawless human being and we have all done or said something that displeases God at one point of our life or another. Not to mention, we were born sinners, so it is by our very nature that we don’t get it right. Praise God, this is why He sent Jesus: so that we may be free and restored to the One who has it right. Does that mean that you should just put up with abuse? Absolutely not! And the reality is that if we get stuck in this self-preservation mode, our strength will eventually run out. Jesus came to do what we cannot. He is all that we are not. And yet through Him we can overcome any obstacle. Yes, it is mind-boggling. But God always speaks the Truth and His word reminds us of these things.
“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13.
Yes, even moving past offense can we be strengthened to handle.
Emotional healing is a process that we must go through. That is not to say that our healing hasn’t already taken place (a blog for another time J). Still, our first step to healing is to take our hurt to the one who heals- God. And God has outlined the process in His Word for us to get to that place of freedom that is already ours. And in this outline, He commands us to forgive offenses. Yes, easier said than done. Well sorta. Forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a decision that we make because it is the right thing to do and because God calls us to do it. The lingering emotion is what is hard to get over in relation to the offense. I was just recently talking to a friend of mine about this very subject. I was in fact still emotional when talking about a situation that repeatedly offended me over the past several years. I reached a place where I no longer received the offense, and only in the past 6 months or so. But what I am to this day still dealing with is the repercussion of the hurt I endured while I was still getting offended. However, I can see that on a personal level, my experience was designed to mature me to a place where I understand the truth about offense. Thus, no longer being seduced to go there and recognizing the early signs of the temptation ( a blog for another time J)
So, Why am I still dealing with the hurt? Well primarily because I have not gone completely through the healing process of this particular offense. I have forgiven. I have even spoken to the people who were involved in this situation that offended me. Ever heard of the phrase “Adding insult to injury”? Well that phrase applies to this example. Still, forgiveness is at hand. In other words, there is a power behind words that eventually takes root in our hearts, should we allow them too. When offenses come our way and is not dealt with appropriately, it can take root in our heart. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 that we must guard our hearts, “for it determines the course of your life.” Thus, for a time I allowed these offenses to pollute my thinking and take root in my heart. What happens then? Bad fruit. And no one wants to produce or eat bad fruit. The solution then is to uproot ( a blog for another time J) But lets go back a few moments…
When given the opportunity we are supposed to go the person or people who have hurt us. However, forgiveness is not contingent on this action. Some of us are not connected with the people who hurt us. They may have disowned you or passed away. You can still forgive them and you must. So what happens when you do go to the person who offended you and they flat out deny any responsibility? LOL Remember that you are to do the right thing even when others don’t! We can’t control other people, what they say or do. But we can control what comes out of our mouth and how we respond. When you have done what you need to, forgive, then you are on the way to healing. Remember healing is a process. Even after forgiving you may have trouble with the emotional response (as I illustrated in my example). We will talk in great detail about emotions in the future. After all we have them and as women it is paramount that we know how to use them!
So let’s break this down.
People will let us down. Why? People are imperfect and need every bit of help that you and I do. Our source of help comes from God. We find the answers to our problems through God’s Word and through His Holy Spirit. We have a choice to let the disappointment take root in our heart. That is, we can get offended or not. Either way, forgiveness is the answer. Forgive whether or not the offender takes responsibility for their actions. Seek a friend who can help you through the process of dealing with your emotions. Remember that God is love and love comes from Him. Once we understand that apart from God we cannot fully love other people, then we will be able to deal with the selfishness that comes to attack us.
Who’s offended you lately? What are you going to do about it?
We are all at different places in our journey to wholeness. But no matter where you are- you don’t have to stay there!
We can look back but we can’t fix the past. However, when knowledge becomes available to us, we can live in the present with the confidence that God can take us through the temptations, like offense, and lead us to a place of healing and ultimately wholeness.
Leave your comments, questions and testimonies.
With and Through His Love,
Lin
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