Identity : The Father Wound, The Mother Wound

Identity

 

    It is the quest of life to get to the truth of who we are, why we are here and where we are going. Identity is the answer to who we are. Knowing the foundational truth of our identity will position and posture us to be in the fullness of who we were created to be. Identity begins at the cellular level-literally: spirit, soul and body. As created beings created in the likeness of The Creator, we carry the spiritual DNA of God Himself. Our soul is the center of being that is anchored by spirit and carried by body. It is in the soul that we receive and release the joy and the pain of our life. Our body is the house we live in while we walk through this earth realm; it both holds and releases the issues of life which come from our heart. 

 

   While our Heavenly identity comes from our spirit, our earthly identity comes from what possesses our soul: the good and bad and the difficult unanswered questions between both. From the womb we receive every component that makes up our entire identity; they come first and foremost from our mother and father. 

   

   To best understand how this generation of inheritance of identity we will look at both our father and mother’s role in shaping who we are.  Our father’s by design and role bestow upon us the foundation of identity. We inherit the name of our fathers and carry them from generation to generation. Fathers are designed to protect and lead us in their footsteps so to carry their lineage. Our mother’s by design and role bestow upon us the second pillar to our identity which is our self-worth and self-image. Mother’s are designed to nurture and cultivate the gifts we carry from God.

 

    Each were designed with God-given roles to carry out a majestic plan that God has for each of us. I’d like to share briefly on the differences on the male role and the female role in relation to mothers and fathers as well as the connection to our mind and heart.

 

     I was given a profound revelation last year about the male and female connection in relation to the mind and heart . I shared that the mind has a male role in the inner being, being the leader of the soul realm. The heart has a female role in the inner being, being the yielded vessel of the soul realm. Both our mind and heart pour into and draw from one another in the intricate intertwining of the inner being of spirit, soul and heart. What’s important to know here is that the condition of both of these is of utmost importance for the health of our whole self. Learning how they function- spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically, will posture you to learn how receive and cultivate the blessings of our earthly inheritance from our parents and release and process the inherited brokenness from our earthly guardians.

 

   Our identity is the sum of both our beauty and our brokenness. Our life journey is learning how to bring self into the homeostasis that we were created to function in. Getting on the time line from brokenness to restoration is where this transformation begins.

 

   Take a moment to think about your family. What are some things that come to mind when you think about your upbringing and your life presently? Some of these things may be painful, others nostalgic. What is common is that we all have experienced both, as we are all people recovering from something that broke us from broken people. This is the human experience. 

 

                                  

 

 

                                       Today, we will delve into the origins of inherited brokenness : 

                                                     The Father Wound and The Mother Wound. 

 

     In my teaching and mentoring I share a revelation that I received on my own journey of inner healing. I call them the 2 pillars of our brokenness: our childhood and upbringing and our collective life experience. 

     When we understand that the reason we have endured what we have is because we live in a broken world filled with broken people- that means you, that means me.

     We all carry our mother and father’s inherited brokenness. Knowing this about ourself is like taking fire in your hands to purify your life to gold. It postures you to learn how to uncover the roots of pain, so that you may be able to heal. It also positions you to forgive. These two spaces are vital to unlearning and relearning how to live in holistic health.

 

    The Father Wound

 

    Each of us have amazing and astounding stories of our parental connections. Some of us have great and close relationships with our parents an some of us do not. Some of us are estranged from our parents. Some of us have strained relationships. Some of us have parents who have passed away.

 

   Every dynamic and relationship is important. Remember this. 

 

   Fathers are imparted with a foundational role in our lives- by divine inheritance. The principle does not change based on our relationship health. It is. What is important to know here is that regardless of the healthy function or unhealthy dysfunction is that we can be restored in our identity. 

 

   The father wound is the wound that reaches us to the core. It is the foundation of self. The degree to which we were loved and honored by our earthly father is the degree to which we will understand how we love and honor ourself and in turn honor others. An encouragement I’d like to share now is that even if you did not receive the love and honor you were created to have through your earthly father, there is a Heavenly Father through whom it comes from and whom you can still learn from.

 

   It is from our fathers that we learn or miss the value of our core identity. Fathers are created to protect and impart vision and legacy.  We are bestowed with identity by the mere tradition of inheriting and carrying their name. 

 

 

    Many of us did not experience a healthy relationship with our earthly fathers. In fact, most of us have had some level of pain  in the father/child relationship. Regardless of where you may land on the scale of dysfunction , this will minister to your heart and bring healing to your mind.

 

   The broken relationship you had with your father shaped and formulated your view of self. 

If you had a father who constantly spoke words of discouragement and  criticism, these words have subconsciously created the mental tape you play in default mode. If your father relationship was governed by tension and anxiety, you may have found yourself feeling insecure about yourself and your ability to speak up for yourself or learn healthy boundaries. If your father was physically abusive in any way, you may have found yourself needing validation in ways that have only compounded your need for affirmation and acceptance, leading you to a deeper pit of uncertainty of your identity.

 

   

 

   

The Mother Wound

 

 

  Mothers  are also imparted with a foundational role in our lives- by divine inheritance. The principle does not change based on our relationship health. It is. What is important to know here is that regardless of the healthy function or unhealthy dysfunction is that we can be restored in our identity.

 

   The Mother wound is the wound that reaches us to the core as well.  It is the second foundation of self. The degree to which we were loved and honored by our earthly mother  is the degree to which we will understand how we love and honor ourself and in turn honor others. An encouragement I’d like to share now is that even if you did not receive the love and honor you were created to have through your earthly mother, there is a Heavenly Father through whom it comes from and whom you can still learn from.

 

    Mothers bestow self worth and self image. It is through our mothers that we learn or miss the value of taking care of ourselves. Mothers are created to nurture and cultivate the heart treasures within. We are bestowed with the identity of our self-worth and self-awareness through our mothers.

 

    Similarly, many of us did not experience a healthy relationship with our earthly mothers . In fact, most of us have had some level of pain  in the mother/child relationship. Regardless of where you may land on the scale of dysfunction , this will minister to your heart and bring healing to your mind.

 

    It’s important to remember that wherever you are in your life journey, your relationship with your parents, their presence or absence in your life and the relationship you have with yourself- healing is your portion and available for you now.

 

   The remedy to the pain of our father and mother wound is to acknowledge our own inherited brokenness and to understand theirs. When we accept this we are postured to learn to forgive as we put love and honor in their rightful and healing place.

 

   Love y’all,

Beautiful Jewel

 

   

Foundations of Self: Worth

"Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

Luke 12:7

Do you know your worth?

    Have you ever sat and thought about your worth? Have you ever stopped and questioned it? I have. I am not referring to your accomplishments, your life title, or your popularity. I mean you- your true core self.

     Stop and think about this for a moment.

    What is the first thing or person that comes to mind when you think of your value?

    For some, this is a peaceful thought process. You know your worth.

    For others, this is a painful thought process. You don't know your worth.

    Recall the first foundational building block of self: our identity. (See the blogpost titled "Foundations of Self: Identity).

    We discovered that our first understanding of self is rooted in our relationship with our earthly father. How we perceive the very basic part of who we are is a reflection of how we see ourself through the lens of our father's eyes. Fathers hold the seal of identity on their children in more ways than one. But not all fathers willingly accept their child. To not be accepted by your earthly father is to be left without a covering of identity.

    If our foundational part of self, our identity, is not secure, the layered parts will not cohesively sit well either.

    You may have (or had) a wonderful relationship with your earthly father. This blessing for so many creates the perfect posture for the next tier of self: Worth. 

    However, for some of us, this is not the case. Many of us did not have a good and healthy relationship with our earthly father. Perhaps even other core relationships in the guardianship of our mother or grandparents, aunts or uncles, etc. These broken pieces in our personal foundation could not properly hold the pillar of value. As a result, many of us battle insecurities because of the primary broken bond of one of the fundamental relationships in life. This manifests is countless and unhealthy ways. Sadly, if not addressed, it carries on throughout our lives, often leading to more people and circumstances where our worth continues to (seemingly) be undervalued. 

How then can someone know their worth? 

    Remember that our identity however mishandled by our earthly fathers can be redeemed as we go to our Heavenly Father for healing. Likewise, our sense of worth can be restored. In fact, it remained the same throughout, in spite of its misuse. 

    Let me explain.

    We were created by a sovereign, loving God. Yes, God created you. It was His divine plan and will for your existence. Even if others do not embrace this beautiful miracle of you- even those closest to you whom you expected to trust. 

    Your worth does not vacillate based on any human being's opinion of you. Your worth is secure.

    Your worth comes from The Author of Life.

    To not know your worth is the most painful existence. It will distort the way you see life. It will taint the hope of your future. 

To be certain, having cracks in our identity foundation cannot properly hold our acceptance of worth.

    

    Therefore, we must re-learn to see ourselves through the eyes of our Heavenly Father, remembering our worth is based solely on the fact of our very existence.

    

We cannot earn our worth. We cannot prove our worth. Our worth is inherent.

    When we know who we are, when we know we are accepted and cherished- then we can know we are valued. Then we can truly embrace our worth.

 You are worthy. You are loved.

Repentance and Release

   One of the vital components that The Lord has shared with me to being 'Restored' is found in this relationship: Repentance and Release.

   Repentance is literally turning from your sin and experiencing a change of mind and heart as you turn to God. It is a beautiful and hard to encapsulate spiritual transformation. It is necessary in our Christian life. It requires much. It requires commitment. It requires owning your own wrongs. It requires humility.
   Whether we realize it or not, we sin everyday. Yes, even Christians. We are forgiven, not perfect. In fact, being forgiven in Christ should propel us even more to surrender sin to our Heavenly Father all the more. And while we're talking about it, even if we think we've repented for all sin, there is sure to be more. Sounds contradicting, doesn't it? Not exactly.

    Jesus bore our sin at the cross- all sin, for all humanity. When we believe in Him, we accept His gift of eternal salvation in exchange for our repentance of sin. This is a spiritual transaction that can only be fully measured and understood by God Himself. But our salvation is assured and sealed through The Holy Spirit. Once we are born again- sealed and secured in Christ, sin is still a temptation and will be until we leave our broken world. The difference now is that we have the conviction of The Holy Spirit to lead us away from sin or to nudge us toward repentance once we have sinned. As we grow in our walk and relationship with The Lord, our conviction should grow larger to please God and our propensity to sin should decrease. But sin will always be a part of life and we will never truly get it right. This is why He died for us.
To be clear: a Christian cannot lose salvation when they sin, and equally, a Christian should feel conviction when they do sin. Thus, repenting from sin and turning back to God.

    Repentance requires relationship with The Holy Spirit. We are given The Helper upon salvation. But we are to commune with The Lord through The Holy Spirit in ways like reading the Word of God and prayer. I explain in great detail about our spiritual courtship in my sister blog, The Ready Bride, under the Bridal Shower and Wedding Preparation tab. If we cannot hear the voice and leading of God through The Holy Spirit, then it will be hard to tune into the frequency of His conviction. Therefore, we cannot fully repent and certainly would stay in a place of bondage to sin.

    Recall: our spirit affects our soul, and our soul affects our body. Sin is spiritual. But it affects our soul (mind, emotions and will). And our soul will have an impact on us physically.

    Think about the last argument you had with someone that was left unresolved. You likely felt awful afterwards, perhaps even physically ill. This is what sin does. It wreaks havoc and leaves us feeling awful...until we repent and reconcile. When we repent we are reconciled in our relationship with God. Human relationships require more participation. But the process is the same.

    Repentance requires surrender and release. Of what? you might ask. Of hurt, plainly speaking. The hurt that was inflicted on you, and the hurt that you projected onto others.

    When we are hurt by others, a number of outcomes can occur. But one thing is certain- it disturbs our peace. You likely know what your natural tendency is when others hurt you and more importantly so does God. Our responsibility is to firstly be honest with our broken selves, then ask God for help. Secondly, give Him our pain. This is the first part of releasing.

   When we ask forgiveness for sin we've committed (repentance) we are released from the bondage of sin. When we forgive the sin of others, we are released from the pain of their sin against us.

    We cannot release what we do not have. And we cannot be released without repentance.

   When we repent, we release and we are simultaneously released.

    Wherever you are in your journey, while you still have breath- it is not to late to surrender the hurt. When you do, you draw closer to The One who heals the brokenhearted and restores the soul.

Anxiety: A Poisonous Pendulum

 

The Lord gave me powerful insight this week into something we are all familiar with:

 Anxiety.

    Anxiety. We have all experienced this awful feeling before. It is a feeling that brings with it such an incredible force, that even our bodies can collapse under it's crippling presence. It is a seemingly intangible, villainous champion. It is a plague to our human soul.

   "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down,

    but a good word makes him glad."

 -Proverbs 12:25 (ESV)

     The Bible tells us that anxiety hits us in the heart. Anxiety attacks our heart. And this attack weighs us down. 

     I have shared much before about our heart (see Her Soul tab). Our heart is the core part of who we are. It is interwoven with our spirit and soul. Our heart is of utmost importance- we are to guard our heart, 'above all else' (Proverbs 4:23). And we must guard our heart against anxiety.

    Take a moment right now, if you will- cautiously- to think of something that makes you feel anxious. It likely didn't take you long to think of whatever it was, did it? And it doesn't take long for anxiety to cling to our vulnerable human frame and agitate our spirit.
    We all have things in our life that cause us to be anxious. But have you ever wondered where this anxiety comes from? And more importantly- how we steer clear of it.

   Is that even possible? Yes-it is.

    Anxiety is an offshoot of fear. Fear is a spirit. It is a fierce and unrelenting force that deceives us and leads us away from trusting God.

We are assured in 2 Timothy 1:7:

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

     If you are a born-again believer in The Lord Jesus Christ- you are free from the bondage of the spirit of fear. But, the enemy will still do his best to oppress us- and he does this through fear, and anxiety.

    

     Fear is a spirit. When we are attacked by the spirit of fear it produces anxiety in our heart- the interwoven realm of the soul (mind, will, emotions). Anxiety will propel us into one of two states: anger or depression.

ANXIETY IS THE PENDULUM DRIVEN BY FEAR THAT LEADS US TO THE HEIGHTS OF ANGER OR THE DEPTHS OF DEPRESSION.

    When fear grips you and anxiety tries to strangle your faith, where are you catapulted to: anger or depression?

    We're told anxiety is part of life. Yes, it is. But it is a spiritual warfare that attacks our soul, which affects our body. And we are encouraged in scripture that we don't wage this war without victory in The King:

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

- Philippians 4:6-7

The remedy to anxiety is prayer, petition and thanksgiving. The fruit is the peace of God.

If you can identify what causes you to fear, then you are that much closer to freedom. You can look your anxieties in the face and take them to The One who calms all our fears.

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

- Isaiah 41:10

   

Foundations of Self: Identity

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well."

Psalm 139:14 ESV

Do you know who you are? 

   Have you ever stopped to wonder about this? I have. I am not referring to your gender, your socio economic status, your career, your roles or your accolades- I mean YOU. 

   Long before you associated yourself with the previously mentioned, you were you. 

   You are a unique individual. God created you in such a way that not one person on earth is exactly like you- not even your twin sibling! Isn't this amazing?! 

   When we are born into this world,  we are are born into a family. And every family has a name. 

After the beautiful moment of being put into your mother or father's arms- we are given a name: first, perhaps a middle name ( or several), and a last name. Our surname is usually taken from our father.

    

   Our father's name is given to us as a seal of ownership, if you will. It is a symbol of authority over us. It is a symbol of protection. And it is our first and foundational seal of identity.

   If you will, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your earthly father.

   For some, this may spark feelings of joy and gratefulness. For others, this may be painful.
But both are important as they make up the foundation of self we call our identity. And our identity shapes the way we view our entire life.

    We all have a unique relationship with our earthly fathers: some are close and healthy, others are distant and estranged, while other's relationship is frozen in time as their fathers have passed away.

  Whichever the relationship you may have with your earthly father, it is unique and it is vital.
  This relationship is the foundation of how we view our self and it shapes our view of our relationship with God, our Heavenly Father.

"And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty."- 1 Corinthians 8:18

   It may seem strange at first thought to think that The God of the universe is our Heavenly Father. But if your are a born again Christian, He is!!

   I think it should be said that your earthly father's example shapes how we enter into our relationship with God as our Heavenly Father. Therefore, if you have (or had) a good and close relationship with your earthly father, if may be easier (or more difficult) to see God as Abba. The same is true if your relationship with your earthly father was strained or broken- it can be more challenging or easier.

  With our unique dynamics of family, it is only natural that relationship will follow suit. Many of us have a myriad of blended family combinations. All of these relationships influence our life in countless ways. But our relationship with our father is the first building block of who we are that makes up our identity, and identity is the first foundation of self.

   Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made".
We are precious to God. He created us before our parents even gave us a thought. Our lives, intricately and specially woven painted with unpredictability and glossed over with trials, were created by God Almighty, our Heavenly Father.


"And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty."- 1 Corinthians 8:18

   These words bring such a refreshing breath of life!!! The Lord Almighty says that He will be a father to us and the we shall be called sons and daughters to Him!!!

This may bring tears of joy, pain, or even confusion. But all these tears matter to Him and he knows. He knows your life. He knows all that you have been through. He wants you to know that His love for you is unconditional. He is The Heavenly Father.

From The Earthly to The Heavenly

 Just as our earthly father relationship took time to grow, our relationship with our Heavenly Father will take time to grow.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

   If you are a born again believer in The Lord Jesus Christ, then you are a new creation! And you are a child of God. Regardless of your upbringing, your past, your mistakes- being a child of God gives you a new and heavenly identity-in Christ.

   Becoming who we are (our true, spiritual identity) will take a lifetime. This is called sanctification. But take heart- the journey is full and rewarding! 

  Take a moment to think about your identity- your core self. Jot down the first 5 words that come to mind. Then take these in prayer to God, your Heavenly Father. Pay special attention to the emotions that come with these words and be at peace to know these are natural. Our natural identity is tied to strongholds that we've acquired in life through many relationships, and beginning with our earthly fathers. Be encouraged, these places in our souls are not without rescue and healing.

   Now that we have a general understanding of our first building block of self: identity, we will soon discover what rests on top of it: value and worth.

   Remember this: You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God, our Heavenly Father loves you unconditionally and eternally.

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:1-2 ESV